you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
