Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
