Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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