like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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