I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
