I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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