he thought i was a dude.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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