Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
