I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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