I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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