He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
