Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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