I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
