You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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