as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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