im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
