no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
