Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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