did you get engaged???
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
