i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
