I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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