I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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