Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
