just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
