I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he fucked my hip out of place.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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