yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
