Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
