Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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