we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
