He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think my moral compass just broke
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
