I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
