Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
