Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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