So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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