She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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