hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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