Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Every concussion has its silver lining
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
