im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
