if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
