i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
