Tell her she can't have a vagina
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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