sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
