he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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