Me too!
We named our party play list daddy issues
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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