oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Church boner. Awkwardddd
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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