apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
