What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
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They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
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