Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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