glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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