I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There are leaves in my underwear?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
