Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
