Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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