entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
3 2 1 whiskey
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
