apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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