um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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