I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
no you cant smoke seaweed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
