I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
