You made me cry and you don't even care
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
