so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
