Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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