I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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