I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
