i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
