the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Your penis caused this!
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