Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
