I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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