Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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