so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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