Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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