All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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