I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
