You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you traded sex for a burrito?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
