How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
