he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
