Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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