she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
