I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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