i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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