ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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