Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
