hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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