What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
