she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
