On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
