im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
