he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
