I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
